Today in Liberal Fascism

[Authors note: this and probably many future posts on subjects in this vein will use the terms “conservative” and “liberal” to delineate two kinds of American cultural and political thought. I find these words unsatisfactory, but I haven’t been able to think of any better ones to use. For example, “sphincter” is perfect… for many aspects of both sides of this socio-political seesaw. “Maw of the Underworld” and “the Crawling Chaos Nyarlathotep” also have nice rings to them, but they could both be applied to both sides. It is truly a frustrating dilemma, so until I settle on some more perfect terms I will just use the bland and basically meaningless “conservative” and “liberal.”]

I suppose it’s no secret that I have lost my patience with conservatives. But that doesn’t mean I want to snuggle up to liberals just yet. They’re just so… icky. (Icky seems to be my word of the week. I don’t know, I’ve been feeling sort of nauseous and feverish lately. Anyway.) Also, they’re kind of haters of freedom in their own way. Just like conservatives! However, while conservatives are mostly hung up on keeping women, non-whites, gays, and Muslims under control, liberals seem to want to grind fucking everybody under the heels of their giant (sustainable, fair-trade, cruelty-free organic leather) jackboots. But gently. In a caring, eco-friendly manner.

Anyway, when I point out in the comment thread of a liberal blog that I will read no longer that wanting stronger hate-speech laws is not wise because such laws can and will be used against anyone, not just nasssty conservatives, and the blog owner tells me I made a “straw man” argument and also used the tone argument against me (because goddess forbid I not be nice when faced with rank stupidity like “we need stronger hate speech laws”), I know that liberals are still the idiots they always have been, and all is right with the world.